growing up?

http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/

Wow - the proverbs31 blog hit it right on the nose!!

I was sitting here, almost in tears (holding them back really, cuz no one really wants to cry) trying to think what has come over me, other than pregnancy hormones. - yes, i am expecting again :) - anyways....I could name a lot of things going on right now, and really, they all are pretty silly things to get upset about. My life is extremely good compared to others and I have nothing to complain about. I thank God one minute for the many blessings He pours out on me and my family but then later in the same day I complain and bicker.

The main things making my heart heavy right now, are those things that I control. things I could and need to fix. things that seem really childish, but I guess things that all women go through at different times. I do have an issue with jealousy, I have for a long time, and it will probably be a while before I am fully free of it.

Right now, our church is focusing more on going out and blessing others, instead of sitting around doing Bible studies all of the time. this is such a GREAT idea, but I have made it into a 'competition' in my mind, of who has the best idea. I have even convinced myself that my idea was better than someone elses, later to have the Lord hit me over the head with a 2x4. haha...I definitely deserved it, and I LOVE it when He corrects me! I feel like its the first step in dealing with the problem and eliminating it! I am really excited about the volunteer work I am about to do, but I dont want to go to our 'follow up' meetings feeling like it's a competition.

I also feel like people take things I say the wrong way. They totally misunderstand me, and it SO SO SO frustrating! I have expressed that even though we are focusing on doing volunteer work to bless other people, I would still like to meet with some of the women from our church because i think it's important to come together and pray, and just talk about how our weeks are going. A couple women emailed me saying that they would rather focus on their volunteer work, and dont have time to do a 'study' (which is NOT what I said). I have had thoughts of leaving our church lately, but my husbands uncle is pastor, and we love him and his ideas and goals for our church to impact God's Kingdom. We dont want to leave on bad terms, and my husband and I agree that eventually this could just happen in the future at a different church. There are also more issues that just this one incident.

Also, I have these great ideas to get together with the women of our church, but my laziness gets in the way. I feel like I have matured in so many ways, I am a wife and mother for crying out loud, but I also feel like I have so many childish ways (in a bad way). I know that everyone at every age struggles with things they should change in their attitudes or lives, I just have to remind myself that Im not the only one, and that "this too shall pass".

any thoughts?